i hate birthdays


On the eve of my 19th birthday, I was sad and reminiscent. I wondered, where did all my time go? Despite a few bumps in the road, I realised that I'd really had the most amazing childhood and I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to turn my back on it. I didn't want to grow up. I still don't want to grow up. 

Tomorrow I turn 20 and again, I feel sad and reminiscent. I'm asking myself, do I finally have to take that big leap into the world of adults and leave all my childish fantasies behind? Are my carefree years really over? Can I still say I'm full of teen angst? I'm standing on the edge of this new world and if I'm honest, just thinking about calling myself an 'adult' completely overwhelms me because I know myself, and I'm still such a child in so many ways. I still feel 16 at heart! 

I know that ageing is inevitable, numbers don't really mean anything, and nothing is going to suddenly change but this feels like a significant milestone for me. It feels like it's finally time for me to step up to the plate and get my act together. This doesn't mean that my inner child is suddenly going to be locked away… Oh no. There's no way I'm turning my back on my younger self's dreams and goals. If I'm leaving anything behind, it's all those silly fears and doubts which have only ever held me back. Now, that I'm (almost) in my twenties, I plan on going all out and chasing after everything I've ever wanted in life. Over the following years, I plan to travel, explore, experience the world, love a little, love a lot, live with no regrets and all that good stuff, and maybe - just maybe - I'll start acting my age along the way. 

1 comment:

Genevieve Taylor said...

Ohhhh my, me too! i feel that i dont know what i want to achieve career wise, whether i going the right way about it.. and most of all i want to travel, aswell as pursue a career i love. it seems so impossible to fit in and figure out where to go! oh to be young and carefree again... youre so so so right to go out and DO what you want, dont throw away your dreams because another year is past make it happen before the next birthday! x